Thursday, February 22, 2007

Roughin' It

So last night after Mr. Chick left the office and stopped off to visit his "mistress" (aka Home Depot - he's there more than here....), he got home just in time to kiss the kids good-night and then get right to work on the various "projects" (aka Disasters) around here. After eating his now-cold burrito, of course, and daring to use an actual plate. But I didn't stress about yet another dirty dish added to the already enormous pile of dirty dishes scattered all over the kitchen, because Mr. Chick bought a shiny new un-clogger thingy that was certain to fix the sink. CERTAIN to. I had no fears and promptly demonstrated my fearlessness by plopping down on my couch to watch American Idol while Mr. Chick fiddled with the sink.

I kept hearing indistinguishable mumbles and some clearly distinguishable 4-letter words coming from somewhere under the sink. I think a groove was created in our floor from all the trips from the sink to the deck in order to dump out a big pot of water. But I sat blissfully "out of the way" on the couch, happy helper that I am, offering my commentary on the show.

Then suddenly, all activity stopped and Mr. Chick left the kitchen. "Are you done? Is the sink working again?"

"NO! &*#&#(*@!!! I need a break from the #%@#^ clog so I'm working on the TP holder in the bathroom. Where's the level?"

Thankfully, THAT project took only 5 minutes and we were back in TP business. The sink? STILL NOT WORKING. Mr. Chick, like a trooper, tried and tried and kept at it for 2 hours, but "that clog must be really, really deep. More than the 25 feet of this clog-buster snake tool, at least." Grrrreeeaaaatttttt. The upside? I didn't have to do any dishes all day yesterday! The freedom - !

So this morning, as I surveyed my now disgusting kitchen, Mr. Chick off-handedly tells me that "oh by the way, the dishwasher probably uses the same pipes as the sink, so you better not run the dishwasher today, either."

fuuuccckkkkk. So now, I'm faced with the unpleasant reality of having to UNLOAD most of my dirty dishwasher as well as gather up all the pots, pans and knives (which I normally handwash) and haul everything upstairs to the bathroom in order to do the dishes. In the small bathroom sink I'm supposed to be able to fit a fat pot and wash it. Not to mention rinse it. Perhaps I'll commandeer the bathtub for the larger items. It'll be so fun to pick out soggy food bits from the drain of the bathtub! And possibly from Lauren's hair after her bath in the same tub! Oh yes, this fun little house snafu is just one big adventure for me! Because nothing gives you more perspective on just how vital a working kitchen sink is than having to repeatedly walk to the other end of your house to wash your hands after handling raw hamburger, and having to make the same trek several times in order to rinse out the sponge so you can wipe down the table and counters. And faces. Really, it's like exercise! The new home exercise program! Kill your kitchen sink, lose 5 lbs! Plus weight-lifting from having to haul the contents of your cupboards up and down the stairs for washing! It's fool-proof.

Mr. Chick PROMISES that he's going back to see his other mistress (aka Lowes) tonight for a better un-clogger snake that he's SURE will do the trick this time. It better, because I'm facing not one, but TWO dinner parties here at my house this weekend, and if I have to host these events WITHOUT A WORKING SINK IN MY KITCHEN I just may lose it. You want a different kind of cocktail? No - don't rinse out your glass here - go to the bathroom, please. Don't think about the potential cross-contamination - I'm sure the alcohol will kill anything harmful. Really!

Clean up after-party in the bathroom - who's with me? You just might end up losing some weight for your troubles - wanna try? I'm sure it'll be a fun, fun party.

We constantly have plumbing issues and drain issues and water not working at all or water leaking out places it shouldn't, so I totally feel for you. Good luck!
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