Thursday, October 05, 2006

Can I Get A Hell No?!

Like everyone else with a television, I've been seeing that commercial of Audrey Hepburn dancing often. And it pisses me off. Sure, I like Audrey Hepburn as much as the next person - what's not to like? She's impish, flexible, dances a mean boogie to Back In Black, but she's also just about the only person I know in America older than 12 who could possibly make those skinny black pants look good. I mean, really - !

I'm seeing it everywhere: skinny jeans are BACK. And that just ain't good news for me and millions of other women who dare to have a waist, hips, a butt and thighs. I'd like to give a big EFF YOU to the fashion industry for bringing this nightmare back to my closet. Or at least attempting to. Because I pretty much refuse to buy into this newest recycled fashion trend. It's a big DON'T in my book.

We've been indoctrinated for a few years now of the beauty of lower rise (vs. scandalously low - buttcrack low) with a boot cut or trouser style leg. It offers a decent solution to a slightly poochy tummy (hello pregnancy tummy waddle!) and balances hips. It works. Oprah has done feature shows about it.

From Stacy Lond
on, host of What Not To Wear:

a belly bulge? Trying to hide your tummy? Stacy says a boot-cut jean can help to balance out a heavier mid-section. Women with a tummy typically have thinner limbs; the thicker your limbs, the worse a boot cut will look on you, she says. Look for a mid-rise, and make sure the jean hits across the belly, not above or below it. The width of trouser leg jeans can also help create a more balanced bodyline."

Of course, does anyone else notice what kind of jeans this chick is wearing? That's right: skinny jeans. Stupid bitch.

So where does this new trend of skinny jeans leave ME? Completely unfashionable, yet again. Sadly, I'm getting used to it.

Ugh, I hate skinny jeans. They're even worse than gauchos...
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