Thursday, June 29, 2006

OK, A LOT Freaked!

So, um, yeah. Posting about my fears (see below) made me wake up and realize that I need to be a grown-up already and not bury my head in the sand, so to speak. So I went and bought a test.

The lovely grocery store we go to has a Playland for kids, and even though I really only needed to buy this one thing, this was one purchase I wanted to make ALONE. Sans kids. So I checked them into the Playland and then went to find the right aisle. I haven't needed to buy such things in over 3 yrs. And wouldn't you know that there was a stocker working in that aisle just as I needed a little privacy? I scoped the tests and grabbed a First Response Early Detection with shaky hands and split out of there like a guilty teenager or something. Gah! What's WRONG with me?? It feels very different when you're buying the test hoping and praying you get the two lines and when you're buying the test hoping you don't.

I wandered around the store, browsing and just killing time. Letting my bladder fill up. The test was like a hot poker, burning me. Mocking me. Taunting me. I almost just went and tested in the store restroom, except to go there would mean I'd have to walk right in front of the Playland and I didn't want my kids to see me and not be getting them. I finally had enough and was really too preoccupied to really see the various housewares I was looking at, anyway, and went and got the kids. We got them the requisite free cookie and then loaded up to come home and get lunch.

I got the kids rolling with their lunches and then went upstairs to my bathroom. Why wait? I know that first morning urine is the strongest, but might as well take the plunge and see, and there were two tests anyway so I could always test again, if need be, in a few days with first morning pee. So I peed on the stick.

And...



I didn't even have to wait more than a few seconds. It was nearly immediate. Impossible to misinterpret. Clear as day, 2 pink lines appeared. Oh.My.God. I'm pregnant. No mistake. The 2nd line isn't even faint. It's barely lighter than the control line. No questioning whether you can detect a second line if you squint and hold it in just such a way in just the right light. No worries about it being an evaporation line. It popped up, screaming "PREGNANT!".

So now I have to tell Mr. Chick. He's going to freak out, too. We were NOT planning this. This was not what we wanted, but when you play with fire, sometimes you get burned. OF COURSE every child is a blessing. I know this. I'm just not ready. He's not ready. I didn't want any more kids after the age of 35. I'm 36 1/2, people. Advanced maternal age and all that. Increased risk of problems. I'm healthy, but I'm older than I ever wanted to be with a newborn. I'll be 37 when the baby is born.

I don't have ANYTHING anymore for a baby. Nothing. No maternity clothes, no baby gear. I sold it all. We were done. The only thing we have left is the crib. No infant seat, no stroller. No highchair. No breast pump. No bottles. No baby clothes for either boy or girl. I've passed just about everything on. I only kept the odd special outfit as mementos. WE ARE NOT PREPARED FOR THIS! The only thing we DO have, besides the crib, is a house big enough to accommodate another person. We're in good shape there. Hell, even our car might not work. I drive a Volvo wagon, but the back seat doesn't quite work for 3 kids across. Maybe, just maybe, if we change Nicholas's booster to a little seat-only kind that he can use with the regular shoulder seat belt it would be slim enough for the other two carseats. OH.MY.GOD!

My head is swimming, my heart is racing, and I'm more than a little freaking out. I simply did not expect this. AT.ALL. Please don't think I'm a bad person for not being excited or happy just yet. I'll get there, I'm sure. I'm a good mom and will eventually take this in stride, but for right now, this moment, this feels too overwhelming and scary. I feel like crying. I don't want to tell anyone IRL until we come to terms with this. Until we can be happy and excited about it. We were so done, and now we're getting a little "gotcha - surprise!" baby.

This changes EVERYTHING.

Comments:
Hi MP,

You are living my life, just about 7 months later. I have two kids and my husband and I were done too. Then, lo and behold, this last December I found myself pregnant. I am also 36 and thought I was too old for all this stuff, not to mention having given away our baby stuff. Like you, my house was big enough, but that was about the only thing I felt that was ready for another baby. I spent the holidays in a fog, hoping that it was either all a dream or that I would somehow come to a happy acceptance of this situation. In my heart I knew it was a blessing, another child to love and all that but I SO did not feel that way in my head. I don't admit this to many people but I actually hoped for a miscarriage so that I could avoid the whole thing. I felt extremely alone when I first found out I was pregnant. It seemed like something really evil to admit to people that I wasn't particularly happy about it. All the unexpected pregnancy reading I did seemed geared toward 16 year olds. It felt like any married mother who found out she was pregnant was supposed to be automatically happy about it. It was also hard to discuss with my friends. I'm sure you're like me and have infertile friends who certainly wouldn't appreciate my angst about accidentally getting pregnant so I couldn't go to them. My other friends tried to be helpful but I don't think they grasped how upsetting this was for me and my husband.

Anyway, I can only say that in some ways it's a good thing that pregnancies last 9 months because over time I have come to accept this new addition and am even quite happy about it. To be honest, I still have moments of fear about how we'll get by financially and how I'll manage 3 kids but in general, I feel excited to be having this experience one last time.

By the way, my husband is going for the vasectomy on July 20. As happy as I am about the baby now, I definitely don't want to find myself in this position again.

In my quest for some reassurance during this time, I did read one book called The Surprise Child by Leslie Leyland Fields that had some worthwhile thoughts on unexpected pregnancies for women out of their teens. Its tone was a bit more religious than I am but it may be a worthwhile read for you. The author is actually the mother of six but the last two were unexpected. I'd actually be happy to send it to you if you were comfortable giving me your address since I'M NOT GOING TO NEED TO READ IT AGAIN!

Good luck to you. You will feel better about this whole thing in time but it will take a while for the shock to wear off. I know you don't know me and I think I've only commented once - on the whole Dr. Laura thing - but I'd be happy to communicate with you anytime.

Take care,

Amy (hayes240@comcast.net)
 
Wow... just wow. I'm still pretty young with no children, so I really have no words. Well, a few. You seem like an excellent mom and your husband, an excellent dad. This child will have a great brother and sister. You might want to check out joyunexpected.com. She went through a very similar experience about two years ago.

I wish you all the love and support you need!
 
I'm saying congrats because I know in the long run you will and your hubby and kids will be ecstatic. Babies are a blessing, but that doesn't mean that you can't fret when things don't go as planned. I remember my first pregnancy, I was young and I knew wanted kids but I had been dating 2 different guys, both very seriously if you can believe that. When I realized I was preggo, I puked for hours and it wasn't from morning sickness, I knew it was just not right. I was upset because being preggo right then ruined my "plans".

You know that when your children do something to disturb your plans you get upset...and this is not much different. It is ok to be upset and in you even know that deep down, you'll see the brighter side. You know that there is most definitely a reason for everything and you may never know the reason but there is one!

Just take one day at a time and keep your head on level....I really am anxious to see what your hubby says though....I got pg when my first born was 6 weeks old, I played an april fools joke on my hubby. I really meant it as a joke. A few days later I had to take the joke back and let him know that unfortunately it wasn't a joke. He puked for an hour this time (he wasn't in the picture when I got pg when I was young). Either way, my body simply wasn't ready for another pg and I lost my little peanut. It was weird how we were so bumfuzzled at how we could let that happen (getting pg) but when I m/c, we were so upset too.

In time, you my friend will be fine...just know this is what your life is supppose to be like, so live it and enjoy it!
 
Imagine my surprise!!! (And yours!!!) You didn't mention this fear on the phone the other day, so I'm a little freaked out too (although I'm sure not as NEARLY freaked as you). I KNOW that you will handle this surprise with grace and dignity and you will be an excellent mom all over again. It will take some time to adjust to this news but I think eventually you will come to accept this blessing. Mr. Chick has an excellent job & you have the space. So you need stuff. That's what friends, family, garage sales/consignment stores are for. Get a new ride. IT WILL BE OK. Remember, I was 38 when I had Faith and although from time to time I get that questioning look when people are trying to figure out..."Is she your daughter or granddaughter?" Our family is complete with her in it. IT will be OK.
MCM
BTW: I know you are freaked but I am smiling for you :)
 
"This changes EVERYTHING."

OMG MP!!!!!!!!!!

I can't even imagine how shocked you are. Wow. I am in total shock and I am not even YOU! I have always "known" you were done at two, one of each.

I know right now it is FREAKY scary and SOOOOOOOOOOO TOTALLY SHOCKING but congratuations!

Sometimes the best things in life are unplanned.
 
Wow! and of course, congrats! Enjoy the ride....
 
Oh, boy, have I been there. I was 28 when I got pregnant with Jay, and we weren't SURE we were done... but we were sure we were going to wait another good six months or so and then discuss it again. But I was SO ambivalent when I first became pregnant. Jay is the biggest joy right now! It's like you said, it'll be okay, but the idea will take some time to grow on you. Keep your chin up, and congratulations!
 
LMol!!!! Ok, Im so sorry Im laughing hon, but you gotta admit how CRAZY this is. Your going to be great, and you know it. Life has a way of making things like this ok. It's exciting, scary but its what makes our lives interesting.
Hugs and I am really happy for you. I have no doubt you and the hubs and your adorable kids will be richer for this baby. He/she will be such a blessing.
a.
 
P.S You gotta go over and tell the "gang"...
:)
a.
 
OMG!!! I've been reading you since iparenting but have never commented - now I can't resist. I can't wait to hear what Mr. Chick says. You will get excited if you're not already. I know it was not planned, but it's a BABY!! Congratulations!
 
Holy smokes. Well I am going to say congrats. At the same time I know fi I found myself pregnant right now I'd be, um, freaked. But all will be well. As for having no stuff -- ah well -- now you can be all fashionable in new mat stuff:) And everything will be all fresh. DYING to know what Mr. Chick says. Doug would probably laugh....

All the best
 
Hey you.
Regarding advanced maternal age: I was 40 when I had David and do you think I was ready 6 months kater when I realized I was expecting Peter?????? NO!!! In fact I was so f'ing scared I went into therapy.
Life throws us some curveballs, and yes, it is scary becomeing pregnant when you don;t want to.
I was pregant when I was 21 remember, and had an abortion.
Then I did not think about children for another 18 years!!!! And then I have 2 in 2 years! How crazy is that????
So go with the flow, let your life evolve and go with your feelings! You always said you wanted a large family and there is no rule that says you have to be prepared for whatever comes your way.
I have to echo someone else who posted ( can;t remember who) but tsome of the best things in life turn out to have been a total surprise!
Congratulations, and sorry you have to feel scared.
:)CJ and the beans
 
De-lurking to say I understand. I have 3 ... # 3 was a surprise and it is crazy fun.

My husband and I found out on Christmas day in '04 that I was pregnant. I was SHOCKED. We still haven't figured out how she was conceived, but she definitely was. (We were using the same method as you all ... guess it's just not that reliable... even if they say there isn't anything leaking out...)

Anyway, she's now a 10.5 month old who is just a dear! My other two are only 4.5 and 2 years 1 month. I got pregnant when my second was only 6 months.

I fit 3 carseats in my car... I have a Honda CRV which is about the size of an Accord on the inside, plus a spacious storage area in the back. You'd be surprised how you can cram them in if you want to make your car work :-). I didn't want to give up my car (it's stick) and go for a mini-van, so I didn't.

Anyway... I am about your age, (advanced maternal too)... I know it's shocking, but 3 is the new 2 (http://www.boston.com/news/globe/magazine/articles/2006/05/28/full_house/)...

Many of my Mom friends with older kids always talk about how their #3 is just the sweetest. #3 of ours is a dear and I'm so glad we have her. (I think I spent the whole pregnancy in denial though.)

Okay... Sending good thoughts your way!
 
OHMYGOD!

Wow... just wow!

And hey, I have *tons* of baby stuff that I'm more than happy to pass on!
 
Oh, and for what it's worth, if I were to find out I was pregnant now, I'd be so freaked out I'd probably vomit up my toenails and keep the baby a secret until the very last minute possible! Don't even THINK about feeling guilty for being caught off guard and/or disappointed!
 
Post a Comment

<< Home
Free Counters
Hit Counters

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?