Thursday, June 29, 2006

A Little Freaked

I'm not sure why I'm posting about this, but here goes. I feel quite stupid about it, actually, since it's just not like me. I'm usually better about this sort of thing, but have gotten... lazy? Irresponsible? Foolish? Ahead of myself? All of the above, most likely. You see, I think my period might be late/MIA and I'm freaking about about what that might mean.

It's the uncertainty of not even being sure if I AM late that makes me feel ridiculous. I usually know these things. I'm usually on top of it. But for some reason, for the life of me, I absolutely cannot remember when my last period was, exactly. Was it at the beginning of this month? End of last month? It was around then, but the exact dates elude me. Am I late, or just getting close? I'm usually a pretty regular sort of girl when it comes to my period, so it's quite unusual for me to ever be late. Ever. And usually there are signs that my period is coming. But now? Not so much. In fact, it's the absence of any of the usual predictors that is what is causing me to be a little, um, worried.

Mr. Chick and I have been pretty cautious in these matters. I'm not on any birth control, however. We've been relying on him to, ah, wear the pants in the family, as it were.

But we don't always do that. What stupid people we are!

When we don't, we go with the ultra-reliable Pull-Out method. Aren't we brilliant!? But the thing is, he's never not been able to. Not once. We've never had even a close call on that front in terms of "oops! Sorry babe..." He's really, really good about it. Impressively good.

I don't know what to think. Clearly, there's a chance. There's always a chance. I don't feel pregnant. I don't have that inner sense. Not that my "inner sense" is to be trusted - that same voice is the one to tell me it's ok to risk it without birth control. Of course, my boobs are feeling more tender than usual.... crap!

The thing is, we don't want any more children. I know, I know: if we didn't want more children why didn't we take more precaution against that? I've said it before - WE'RE STUPID RISK TAKERS! Also - if we were so done with our family, why not get that vasectomy thing we've heard so much about? WE WANT TO! But Mr. Chick just got medical insurance that will cover it. Like this month. Wouldn't that be just a kick in the pants to finally get the insurance so we can at long last make our family permanently a family of 4, only to wind up expecting another? Karma is a bitch, I tell you. Of course if I were to find myself "in the family way" we'd roll with it. Of course we would. But it's just not something either of us ever envisioned. It would take some time to get used to the idea.

I know I should just get off my butt and take a test. But somehow that feels like I'm jinxing myself. How silly is that? I must be in denial, because the inner dialogue I'm having with myself says that to do so would be a waste of money because I don't even know if I'm late yet and I should just wait a few more days. I'm sure my period will be here by then. Plus, the chances are slim that I'm pregnant anyway. And then a few more days go by and I'm still in the same place. Gah! I should just test and get it over with.

But I'm scared to.

I'll feel foolish if I do test and it's negative, and I'll feel even more foolish if I test and it's not. I really really REALLY don't want to be pregnant!

Either way, I'm going to be making that oh-so-critical appointment for Mr. Chick to get snipped STAT, because this situation is not funny and not to be repeated. Ever.

You know stress (and I know you haven't had any of that in your life lately) can cause you to be never ever happened to me. I was as regular as a timex but...some folks have that problem with stress.....go test dang it and relieve our minds..notice I said, *our* minds...
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