Thursday, November 17, 2005

Old Faithful

** Warning: graphic discussion/description of female stuff to follow. Read at your own risk **

Yes, yes it's true, I'm on the rag again. Aren't you so glad I shared that tidbit? And I'm happy about it for two reasons: 1) it means I'm not pregnant and 2) that my body is completely back to normal after going off the dreadful Pill a few months back. It snapped back to regularity immediately, and that's a good thing. Don't get me wrong, it's not fun to be on my period, but it IS rather nice to know my body is functioning as it should.

But speaking of bodily functions, there are a couple that seem to go hand in hand with menstruation (god how I hate that word! It reminds me of those old filmstrips/movies we had to watch in 7th grade health class about "your body". Ick) that are really annoying. Like the soft stools/diarrhea thing. Does this happen to anyone else? I read that it's quite normal and common.... I can usually tell when my period is upon me couple of days before hand because I seem to get a little more constipated than normal (and I'm a very regular kind of girl in that department, thankyouverymuch) for a day or two, and then it goes in the other direction, if you know what I mean. Everything loosens up and starts a-flowin'. My trusty internet research into this phenomenon tells me that it's due to an increase of proglandins (or something like that) circulating throughout my body. Whatever causes it, it's nasty. It's bad enough that you hemorrhorage for a few days from the cooter, but must you also do something similar from the poop shute as well?? Apparently Mother Nature says yes, yes you must.

And the bloat - ! OMG, I feel so bloated right before my period starts. It's like my body hangs onto all fluids, saves them up, before releasing the dam. Getting Aunt Flo is a relief because I get rid of stored up bloat and my pants fit a smidge better. (Maybe that's why those size 8's fit me! Nah, I'm still a 12 - they're just mis-marked. Damn.)

Does anyone else notice an increased itch factor in the southern regions during your "cycle"? I do. It's nasty, but sometimes I discover, when I wake in the morning, that I've scratched myself while I sleep. That's just wrong. And EWWW! But I can't help myself, it seems - I don't wake up to do it and am completely unaware until the next morning. I'm gross, I know. But I can't be the only one - can I??

And is it just me, or does anyone else notice that hair seems to grow faster around the time of your period? I'm not certain of the connection, but for the past week or so it seems that the hair on my legs is suddenly growing faster, requiring more frequent shaving, and my eyebrows sprout back, like, overnight. I pluck the few random stray ones to keep a nice brow, and it seems like normally I can do this weekly or even every other week, but lately? I'll do a quick grooming and inspection, pluck the ones that need it, and come back a few hours later and notice more that need plucking that I swear weren't there before. What's up with THAT??! They seem to grow faster now that I'm not on the pill, or maybe it's just when I'm nearing my period - I can't tell. But there does seem to be a difference!

So while I'm glad to be having my period back with regularity, I'd happily do without all the bonus extras that go along with it. How many more years until menopause? That might be a nice relief after all.

Comments:
Ah... the joys of being a woman.

You're not the only one with a spastic pooper while OTR (on the rag.) Mine goes into overdrive and it seems like I'm pooping every 15 minutes.

You know what I REALLY hate? (This is gonna be gross...) the smell. Ugh. I shower every day and use tampons, but there's just that certain OTR smell.

And the bloating! Ack! I look like I'm 5 months pregnant.

It's too bad we can't all have a hysterectomy once we're done having babies. They could leave our ovaries, so we don't go into early menopause, but could take our uteruses (uteri??). 'Cause once we're done having kids, they're pretty much useless! All they do is bring pain and misery.

I'm with you, MP- since I'm done having babies, bring on menopause!
 
loose stools "check"
zits "check"
itchy cooter "check"
bloating "check"
general crampiness "check"
Ear Cyst (yup thats what I get) "check"

thats my woe lament about AF. I get an ear cyst that is so painful just before AF arrives that hangs around for the 5 days I'm dealing with AF.

Weird..I also vote for a hysterectomy!

I'm not looking forward to menopause! I hear hot flashes etc. are worse!

Cheers,
 
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