Monday, August 22, 2005

The Booger Catcher

Kids with colds can be so gross. All that sneezing, coughing, and runny, drippy noses. The sick stuff that comes out of kids can be so revolting, especially because they aren't the most hygenic of creatures - yet. I have Nicholas pretty well trained to cover his mouth/nose when he sneezes or coughs, but he's not the greatest nose-blower, left to his own devices. It's like it doesn't occur to him that, gee, rivers of snot are about to let loose down my face, maybe I should go to the bathroom and take care of this. Kids! They'd rather let their noses drip endlessly from their noses and create a river to the top of their lips, where they periodically lick it with their tongues, than take the 30 seconds to blow their noses. Perhaps I was like this as a kid as well, but mercifully my memory of that era is blank.

Kids with colds wake up in the morning with vast quantities of nastiness built up from the long night left unchecked. Sure, cold medications help keep things to a minimum, but they usually don't alleviate all symptoms all night long. In our house, monster boogers join us for breakfast. I continue to be amazed and completely grossed out by the boulder-sized boogers that take up residence in my sons' nose overnight. They are a by-product of the ever-present cloudy snot that exists by day, stirred gently all night long by his insistence of nose-breathing, which has the effect of drying the snot and congealing it into semi-hard boogers the size of which you've never seen in your own nose - ever. So when he comes skipping into the living room for his daily dose of PBS cartoons in the morning, he's not alone.

As a mom, it's your job to deal with this. I mean, you simply cannot ignore the green growth rimming each of his nostrils. It's impossible - I've tried. So you put on a happy mommy face and suggest we blow his nose. He protests, of course. Is there anything worse than blowing your nose when you're a kid and there are cartoons on the TV that you might miss one micro-second of if you allow the wicked mommy to follow through? So then you are forced to insist on the nose-blowing, fearing for the upholstery on your couch, which is in danger of becoming a handy Kleenex. It then becomes an aerobic exercise of trying to swipe at your kids nose, coaxing him to blow, and save your furniture at the same time. While not daring to block the view of the TV or all hell might break loose. After the first attempt, winded, you realize that the tissue is no match for the monster boogers still clinging to life in your childs nose. They're mocking you. How can a child happily co-exist with all that foulness in their noses?? It boggles. And then, in a fit of desperation/inspiration, you ask if you can use the booger-catcher to get them out of his nose. Intrigued, he sits up, tears his eyes from "Dragon Tales", and asks, "what's a booger catcher?" Gotta love the natural inquisitiveness of 4-yr olds. You tell your snotty offspring that a booger catcher is magic and that it will get all the boogers out of his nose. He's on board - you said "magic" and that's irresistable. So you grab a couple of the magic booger catchers from your bathroom and say you're ready. He willingly drapes himself across your lap, eager to participate in the magic about to happen. You carefully insert one into the first nostril and start the extraction. He wiggles - it tickles. You say it's working! He squirms some more, but you're able to keep him still with other promises of nonsense and a death-grip between your thighs that would make Suzanne Sommers proud. Finally, he's freed and you're left to dispose of two Q-Tips with the sickest boogers you've ever laid eyes on, convinced they weigh 10 pounds each they're so big. And gross. You shudder to even look at them. Yet you have a sick sense of satisfaction for having actually gotten them out of your child in the first place. Without a tantrum or bloodshed.

Don't call me Mama, call me The Booger Catcher (tra-la-la!) I think I've just found my Halloween costume for this year....

When I can't get it with a Kleenex our "booger Catchers" are knows as the ol' baby finger. Gross, yes -- but effective.

Reason #432 why I keep Purell alive!

LOL, we're dealing with this same icky issue at the moment. Ryan will use a kleenex for half a second, then his little tongue darts out to do a 'clean sweep' every couple of minutes!! Gross!
When Brody had RSV, he had *the* nastiest boogers I've ever seen. The nurses gave us some BBG's (Baby Booger Grabbers- those blue bulb syringes they use in the hospital) to keep his snout clear at home. I swear to God, one time, so much snot and boogers came out I thought his head was going to collapse. No joke.
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