Thursday, April 28, 2005

Fuck Me Pumps

As you well know by now, my youngest sister Carrie is getting married. In a month. Exactly. I'm a bridesmaid in the wedding. The dresses we're wearing are cute - super cute - and not bridesmaid-y at all. They're more like little black cocktail dresses. And I'll totally wear it again. Really! So all the major decisions have been made: dress, hose/no-hose (we're going no-hose), hair (however you want), make-up (I'm at the Laura Mercier counter), and overall shoe look. We're going with open-toe strappy black sandals. For awhile we thought we'd, of course, all wear the same shoe. But it's hard to coordinate shopping among us since we're all in different places and on totally different schedules and budgets. Budget is a big part of my life right now. So now it's come down to "wear whatever open-toe strappy black sandal you want, but make sure it has a heel strap and doesn't have an ankle strap" Um, ok. Do you have any idea how effing HARD it is to find a cute black strappy sandal that meets those basic requirements on a budget??! Damn near impossible. And it doesn't help that I'm stuck in a town that has no real shopping options. A small-ish mall with 3 department stores (Meier & Frank, Macy's, and JC Penny). The only specialty shoe stores in this crappy mall are Cathy Jean, Naturalizer, and Foot Locker. I know - you wish you lived here, too. Then I have the array of "budget" stores: Target, Wal-Mart, Payless Shoe Source, TJ Maxx, & Ross Dress-For-Less. And oh yeah, Sears. "Come see the softer side" my ass. There is one (ONE!) boutique shoe store in this town, Miss Meers, and they have totally cute and funky stuff, but it's too expensive for my lean wallet.

Over the past few weeks I've been keeping my eyes open for what I need, to no avail. Target disappointed me. I hate Wal-Mart. I found something at Payless Shoe Source but it was essentially made of plastic, and plastic/vinyl makes my feet sweat, and who needs stinky, sweaty feet?? I mean, I'm all for a bargain but with shoes, you get what you pay for. So I drug Lauren through the mall this morning while Nicholas was at preschool, figuring I'll check out the department stores AGAIN to see what they may have on sale. I found one possibility at Cathy Jean, but they cost $59. $59 is too rich for me for sandals. Hell, the dress only ran me $60 because we found them at Ann Taylor on major discount. So in dispair I went across the street to Ross. Truly my last option as I'd been everywhere else with no luck. And I found some sandals that are cute and cheap! Nine West for $29.99! Totally cute. And totally tall - OMG! These are some serious fuck me pumps! I've never had heels this high! And they're stilettos! I've been with Mr. Chick since I was 22, and we're exactly the same height. So when I put on heels I'm taller than he is. Therefore, I don't wear heels often and when I do, they're not overly high. Moderate. Conservative. But these? Yowza! I LOVE THEM! And I absolutely cannot walk normally in them. I need lots of practice. Mr. Chick was laughing at me when I modeled them for him. He said I wobbled so bad he fears for my safety. But I'll be damned if I don't master these heels of death before the wedding! I'll walk so gracefully in them it'll appear I'm gliding down the aisle! I'll be able to dance my ass off and NOT have to take the heels off first! I'll be as good as the streetwalkers! Does anyone know where I can take a class in walking in stilettos without falling, wobbling, or looking like a stick is up your butt?? Clearly, I'm in trouble.

LOVE LOVE LOVE your title to this entry! You are hilarious MP!
Can't help ya with the shoes hon, not much of a shoe person believe it or not!
I'd help you, but well, I am the same woman who fell off her tall shoes (yes, fell off my own shoes) and broke my ankle.

Sorry. No help here. They sound cute though!!
Best of luck to you! I'm 2" shorter than my husband, so I rarely wear heels higher than that--I wore ballet slippers at my wedding (thank you floor length dress!). Can't wait to hear how it goes.

Amy F from iP (
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