Saturday, April 23, 2005

Don't you hate it when - ?

You finally find the missing sippy cup, weeks after it first disappeared, and you physically retch when you go to wash it?

You just finish vacuuming or mopping the floor and the dog comes in from outside with dirty paws?

You dump a load of clean laundry on a chair in the living room, where it stays for nearly two days, and your spouse pretends he doesn’t see it?

Your spouse announces he’s going out tonight, after you’ve already been to the video store to get a movie for the two of you to watch together?

The guy comes to measure your windows and has to go into your bedroom (gasp!) and only then do you notice the lube and condom wrapper sitting on your night table – and so does he?

You’re changing your daughters fourth shitty diaper of the day and realize you only have one wipe left?

You think you’ve put your current crochet project out of child reach only to discover too late that you didn’t and half of your work is unraveled and the yarn is horribly tangled all over your living room?

You finally get both kids down for a nap and actually take a few minutes to put your feet up, start to doze (heaven!) only to have the phone ring?

You ask your spouse for weeks which account should be tapped to pay your visa bill, only to be put off and never answered, until said bill becomes past due and suddenly it’s your fault?

You take the time to make a delicious, well-balanced meal for your family and all your kids will eat are damn chicken nuggets?

You consciously eat better and are diligent about exercising regularly, and you still don’t lose any weight?

You dress in something you feel makes you look good, only to see a picture of yourself later and realize the outfit really does make your butt look fat.

Your kids get into your room and pull your book off your night table and you lose your place?

Your daughter gets into your box of maxi pads, decides they’re fun to play with, and scatters them throughout your house and a friend finds one behind a cushion?

Your 3 year old figures out how to fix himself a bowl of ice cream, complete with chocolate syrup, but leaves the ice cream sitting out on the counter too long?

You spend countless hours making a special baby gift, and don’t get a thank you note? (at least, none has come so far and it’s been 3 weeks…)

You dye your hair to cover the grays only to notice more grays that didn’t get dyed, and you realize you must have a shitload of gray hair?

You take your potty-trained child to play at a park only to discover the bathrooms are locked and he announces he has to poop? So he takes a dump in the grass like a dog and you have to clean up after him, like a dog?

You realize the orgasm ratio between you and your spouse is about 1:10.

Yeah, me too.

Comments:
AMEN to all of the above hon! Good read!
 
You had me laughing off my seat with these. Great ones.

I wanted to thank you so much, MP, for the phone call the other day. I suck so bad at returning calls, I'm so sorry. It meant a lot to me that you called just to hear me vent and possibly make me feel better. Even though we didn't connect that day, you DID make me feel better. Just by caring. A little goes a long way and I thank you for that.
 
Thanks for the great laugh. How true!
 
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