Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Chicks in the City

I'm home. I made it back from my weekend in San Francisco. This is a recap of our wild adventure to join the baby of the family celebrate her bachelorette. Let's just say I'm sick and have no voice whatsoever, but I had fun anyway!


My sister Katie was due to arrive at my house by 6pm at the latest. She calls me at 4:20 to tell me she's JUST getting on the road. It's a 2 hour trip and she's off to a late start. Great. So I finish cleaning my house (see previous post) and load up all my stuff into the now clean car. And I wait. And wait. And wait some more. Finally she calls again right around 6pm to say she's now halfway to me. HALFWAY??! That's it?! What's going on? Bad-ass traffic and an accident long since cleared but still forcing rubber-neckers to slow down and clog up the freeway. She finally arrives at my house just before 7:30pm. A full 90 minutes past our designated departure time. We have 8 hours of driving ahead of us - what's an extra 1.5 hrs? We throw her stuff into the car and make tracks out of town. Yippee! We're off! I take the first shift driving. The good thing about driving with Katie is that she and I can talk about everything, anything, and nothing and kill lots of time doing it. It's effortless. We're at the California border in the blink of an eye. Somewhere along the twists and turns near Lake Shasta Katie and I get the giggles - the way we always do at some point when we're together - and I nearly drive us off the road because I can't see for all the tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. Something about imagining the cell phone conversation that must have happened when a lady recently drove off a bridge in Portland while talking on said cell phone and had to be rescued by trained disaster divers. You had to be there to fully grasp the hilarity. We gassed up in the middle of nowhere (near the Olive Pit, if anyone is familiar with the pit stops along I-5), have our one and only potty break, and change drivers. Shortly afterwards - around 2am - I start noticing that my voice is sounding funny. I'm getting hoarse. And congested. I'm feeling ok, but sounding like shit. We're thinking it might be because we were in Sonoma County, which is known for really bad allergies. I'm hoping that's all it is. Before we know it we're coming up on the Bay Bridge and scrambling for $3 for the stupid toll. We mostly have $20's - party and cocktail money straight out of the ATM - and are hard-pressed to come up with singles. We must have looked silly digging through purses, wallets, and change drawers in the car to come up with the toll. The mapquest directions to my sister's apartment were spot-on correct and we pull up at 3:30am. We made excellent time. We circled the block once looking for a parking space with no luck, so we just double-parked and called our other sister Maureen to let her know we were out front. She answers and Katie says, "This is your wake up call" and hangs up. A few minutes later Maureen is at the door, followed closely by Carrie, who had no idea we were coming. She was bewildered, to say the least. She was stunned we were there. Like we were mirages or something. Maureen had told her to put some shoes on and come downstairs, and Carrie was thinking that either she's getting kidnapped for her bachelorette or that strippers were there. Strippers! Yeah, right. Nope, just us, fully clothed. When her brain finally started working she was thrilled and very touched that we drove all night to be with her for the weekend. That's what sisters are for, right? We unloaded our crap and Carrie helped me find a place to park. We visited for about an hour in her living room, unrolled our sleeping bags, and hit the hay (aka couch and hardwood floor) at about 4:30am.

Saturday - 8am

We're up. Katie and I are both moms and find it really hard to sleep past 8am regardless of what time we went to bed. How much does THAT suck?! So yeah, we're up. Tired, but awake. We slowly start moving and go in search of food in the kitchen. I make due with a granola bar and apple. We shower and get dressed. This becomes a scramble with 4 of us trying to use one small bathroom. The shower has glass doors, which means that no one can be getting ready while someone else is showering. Because that's just weird. We're sisters and all, but I don't need to witness them showering. So mayhem ensues in a tangle of blow-dryers, curling irons, make-up bags, and clothes. Somewhere in there one of Carrie's friends arrives and joins the fray. We need to jam in order to make it to the nail salon by 11am. We NEED to stop at Starbucks first for a caffeine hit or I'm never going to make it. I meet a good samaritan leaving Starbucks as we're going in who got a free cup of coffee he didn't want and I gladly took it off his hands. Bonus! Free fits my budget. Off to the nail salon. It's a cute place and there are a ton of pretty girls in there all waiting for Carrie. Seriously, there had to be at least 14-15 women who were part of the bachelorette. They had gorgeous strawberries and croissants to nibble on, and mimosas to drink while we got our fingers and toes pampered. I opted to skip the manicure (my nails are pitiful and unworthy of a manicure) and instead got my brows tinted. I got the pedicure but was disappointed. I was expecting more pampering and callous removal than they provided. But whatever - it was fun to socialize and get to know some of Carrie's friends. Then it was off to lunch (2pm). Lots of "hurry up and wait" time built into this schedule. Lunch was yummy. Pitcher after pitcher of margaritas were served up, but I (surprisingly) abstained, holding off more boozing until the evening. I didn't want to peak too soon, because that would just be bad. Then Katie and I HAD to have a nap. We were literally at our limit and needed to recharge the batteries. So we crashed for all of an hour before we had to get ready for the evening. The nap saved me. We got all dressed in fine hoochie-mamma style (very low cut shirt that displayed full cleavage) and set out.

Saturday Evening

We had dinner and cocktails at one of Carrie's friends house. Upon walking in the door it became crystal-clear that her friends were going to go the tacky route for the evening. There were magazine pictures of naked men - GAY men - all over the walls. You couldn't look anywhere and not be confronted with some view of dick. (not) nice. They also had a veil for Carrie with plastic penises glued to it, and temporary tattoos for everyone else. I'm too old for that shit, but whatever - I went with it rather than be a spoil-sport. I sucked down many cocktails but couldn't catch a buzz. Neither could Katie. Maybe we were just too tired. That didn't stop us from trying, but it was disappointing. It was soon time to grab cabs to take us to the first nightclub (Ruby Skye) where we would catch the party bus. Ruby Skye is the kind of nightclub that is located in an old theater. It's a cool physical environment, but it was too early in the evening for it to be a happening place yet. And the floors (rug) was sticky, which grossed us out. Everyone there were girls waiting for the bus. Lots and lots of girls. And wouldn't you know it? One of MY friends was there! Completely random and unexpected. She was there for a bachelorette party for one of her childhood friends and was on the same bus as us. What are the odds??! We get on the bus and head to the 2nd club - Holy Cow. We walk in to the thumping sounds of Britney Spears' "Toxic" and immediately head to the bar. We only have an hour at each place so you have to move quickly. Carrie ends up dancing on top of a table at Holy Cow, so you know we're off to a good start. And then it was time to load up the bus and go to the next place, Glas Kat. Glas Kat was an eye-opener. A happening dance club with the music so loud you could physically feel it thumping your chest. Keep in mind I still have no voice, so I couldn't really talk and no one could hear me if/when I tried because you had to scream so loud to the person just inches from you to be heard. Not my favorite type of joint. And just before it was time to load up the bus again these two dudes walk on the stage and start stripping! Just like that. No warning. They just walked out there, took off their shirts, and started unzipping their pants to reveal their g-string thongs (eeewww!). They let their pants sort of stay around their hips, like this is sexy or something. Ladies went wild! Money was being waved around and the two dudes would pull a few up on stage and simulate all kinds of sex acts. So much for "hands-off" like in the world of female strippers. These dudes were practically forcing the ladies to touch and grope them. I didn't care for the "show" at all. Neither did Katie. She was next to me when I hear her say, as much to herself as to me, "oh God - Carrie, back away from the stage. She's at the stage with money. She's drunk and doesn't know what she's doing. BACK AWAY FROM THE STAGE!" and she's looking completely horrified. And she had no sooner uttered those words when bam! Carrie was being hauled up on stage and manhandled. The dude had her on his shoulders FACING HIM, like he was giving her oral, and Carrie didn't know how to get out of it. She was sort of nervously laughing, totally drunk, and eyeing her friends for help. Thankfully it didn't last long and she was off him and off the stage. I wanted to dunk her in an acid bath to de-louse her, seriously. We caught the bus for the last place, thankful that it was almost over. I still didn't have a buzz despite having a drink at every stop. Katie and I were having fun watching everyone, but it wasnt' our scene, y'know? We couldn't really get into it, and instead found ourselves as observers doing the people-watching thing. The last place was really strange. It was in the Tenderloin district and had a big line outside, but there was no obvious sign with the name of the place. It looked as if we were going into an Asian BBQ. For real. But it ends up being this over-crowded nightclub, much like the others, only with a basement that left us shaking our heads in wonder. It was a cavernous room that had spaced-out girls in white wigs and hot pants dancing on little platforms throughout the room. Random. And so many people jammed into the area that it was almost impossible to move. It conjured up uncomfortable images of the nightclub that caught on first somewhere back east. It took Maureen over 20 min to get a drink. We were only there half an hour when the curtain came down for Carrie. Just like flipping a switch she'd had enough and wanted to go home. Now. Don't pass GO and don't collect $200. It was only 12:30am. An early night by most standards, but for us it had been a long day when you keep in mind we started at 11am with mimosas and didn't let up all day long. So we went back to Carrie's and crashed.

Sunday morning

Our time in San Francisco was brief. Katie and I needed to hit the road early in order to make it home in time for other obligations. We took off by 10:15am. Again, the nearly 600 mile drive went by quickly and we only had to stop once for gas and potty. We made it home by 6pm and it was good to see the family again. I was dog tired, but happy to have enjoyed my weekend with my sisters. And I STILL have no voice nearly 4 days after losing it. Small price to pay for a girls bachelorette weekend! My camera batteries died and I didn't get one single picture of the weekend. No evidence. But others did take pictures and promised to send them to me. When I get them, if they're not incriminating, I'll post them.

Next Stop: The Wedding! May 28th at 6pm.

Sounds like a blast. I love road trips. When I go on trips with my friends rarely do we turn on the radio -- we just gab the entire time. Me? Talk? NEVER? But reaidng this made me really want a sister.

Wow-- Busy weekend for you! I am glad you had some girl time away with your sisters.
WoW! How wonderful hon!!! :)
PS Love the title of this entry!!!!!
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